a Robot Wars team from Johannesburg 2. clog wearing Europeans (see: European).
Sagacity:
1. Odin's birthplace 2. the capital of India's spinach growing region.
Samdalwood:
the sexual stimulation arising from smiting statues of a deposed leader with one's footwear.
Santa Fe:
The method by which Santa knows who's been naughty and who's been nice.
Sargasm:
that which precedes "I'll have what she's having."
Sauvage:
a particularly vicious kind of pork product.
Scheming:
Simian downhill racer.
School run:
brat race.
Scofflaw:
a regulation prohibiting piggish eating.
Screwdriver:
trucker.
Scrotable:
suitable for carrying in a small sac(k).
Scrutator:
a spud d'amour.
Sealed Privy:
tasteless practical joke.
Second serve:
RedHotAnt (the bastards)
Seismometer (n):
a device by which USians measure their mothers.
Self-abuse:
Fuck off, Will.
Self-desire:
to kill one's own father.
Self-effacement:
to justly humble oneself by sticking a four-letter word to one's forehead.
Self:
autistic pixie.
Selfish:
what the owner of a seafood store does.
Selinity(n):
1. what happens to an old dylsexic. 2. (n)What a Japanese feels after meditating.
Semantics(n):
se small insects infesting se humans.
Servant(n):
A small ISP.
Server(n):
The hemming and hawing you must do to get your ISP's attention.
Service(n):
1. the tone of a response to a complaint to your ISP. 2. the reception such an ISP receives. 3. arctic ISP 4. a pornography server. 5. a gripping tale of the Middle Ages.
Servicing:
a low-class cake topping.
Serviette:
1, a very small ISP. 2. a Russian ISP. 3. the national ISP of Lichtenstein
Servile:
1. pertaining to an ISP whose usenet facility keeps one off apihna for two months. 2. (see second serve)
Servitude:
1. eating the free CDs given out by ISPs. 2. what leads a waitress to sneer at you as she brings your drink. 3. my edible ISP.
Settee:
that which is indicated by a setter.
Sever:
farewell to arms (the hemming way).
Sewage(n):
the time of life when the kids can start earning their keep by making teatowels.
Sex:
what you keep your coal in in Knightsbridge.
Sexton:
a very obese, yet erotically attractive, church caretaker.
Shaker's Pear(thingy):
a simple piece of wooden folk art.
Shameless Plug(n phr.):
when one sits at the wrong end of the bathtub.
Shampoo:
novelty imitation dog faeces.
Shay:
let's do it in the barn.
Sheikh's peer(thingy):
another sheikh.
Shelf Life:
insurance policy for the unmarried.
Shittah:
not an upshtanding pershon.
Shovel:
to push over a Spaniard.
Shrink:
where librarians skate.
Shunt:
o avoid he use of a cerain leer in one's wriing.
Siberian Husky:
permafrog.
Silence:
the sound of being buried in an agricultural storage container.
Silly:
the lesser spotted eavesdropper.
Sine of the Times:
contemporary newspaper's opposite over hypotenuse.
Singleton:
2000 pounds (US)
Skilled:
death by snakebite.
Slag:
to engage in sexual intercourse with the byproducts of steel manufacture.
Slalom:
greetings from an Arab with a speech-impediment.
Smee:
s'not him.
Smratass:
Russian for "death to donkeys"
Smugasbroad:
Scandinavian female superiority.
Snack:
tinned David. (reproduced by kind permission of cannibal@lunch).
Snee(wotsit):
abortive sneeze.
Sneer(n):
1. one who snees 2. one who snes.
Snowman's Land:
a stretch of sidewalk between two businesses, which either takes responsibility for shoveling.
Sobriquet:
1. another name for those charcoal things you can buy from filling stations and are used, e.g., on barbecues 2. a teetotaling feline.
Sociological:
an attempt to create a science out of vague guesses.
Sodality:
a club for teetotallers.
Sodomite:
a lawn pest.
Sodomy:
serial turfing.
Solipsist(n):
Mouth fetishist.
Somersault(n):
an acrobatic expression of joy upon discovering a wide and diverse array of food seasonings.
Sound:
hunting dog with a speech defect.
Spade:
horse-racing tipsters' guide.
Spaniel(n):
loud javascript
Sparrow:
line of convenience stores.
Specific:
a certain part of a large ocean.
Spectator:
a spud with sight problems
Spell-binding:
the final task in the printing of a dictionary.
Sphincter:
1. sister of an in-law. 2. an uptight, unmarried woman. 3. An old, unmarried Eqyptian lady.
Sphygmometer (n):
device to tell you that your date is not genuine (do not see sphygmomanometer).
Spinglish:
the language of politics.
Spokesman(n):
someone employed to read press releases announcing how well your bike-riding is coming along.
Sporn(v):
to mass advertise over the Internet for pornographic websites.
Sporozoans:
Scotch crabs.
Sporozoans:
Scotch crabs.
Stagnate:
pretentious prenuptials.
Starling:
child celebrity.
Started:
a famous Edward.
Stealthoscope(n):
instrument for listening to people as they creep up on you from behind.
Stereotypical:
just the sort of hi-fi system you'd expect.
Sterling:
a small dried cod, used as currency on some Pacific islands.
Stet(vt):
o write the word "stet".
Still-Life:
insurance policy for teetotallers.
Stir-fry:
fishy equivalent of gaol-bird.
Stores:
spots you can't get rid of.
Studant(n):
badly disguised interloper.
Subdued:
like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Subliminal message:
A flier placed under one's door.
Subordinate Clause(n):
a North Pole labourer who helps Santa at Christmas.
Subservant:
(see second serve)
Substitute(n):
a below-par call-girl who stands in when your regular isn't feeling too well.
Subversive(a):
lousy poetry.
Sudafed:
brought litigation against a US government official.
Suffer:
little children.
Sufferance:
putting up with having your hair washed.
Sufferings:
new piercings.
Suffest(n):
1. holiday appended to an existing holiday (e.g. Boxing day) 2. event held in Suffolk.
Suffrage:
putting up with growing old.
Suffragette:
putting up with air-sickness.
Suitable:
a settee, two chairs and something to rest your coffee on.
Summer:
an adder from a posh neighbourhood.
Sundries:
1. spices used on tomato(e)s when used as pizza topping: "Large pizza with garlic and sundried tomato(e)s" 2. a not-very-astute observation concerning the dessicating power of the Earth's most local star.
Superego:
Batman's conscious mind.
Supervise(v):
1. to look after a woodwork class on the planet Krypton. 2. to undertake a legal action against a peeping tom paedophile. 3. this thing goes through an elephant's leg, man, I'm not kidding!
unit of weight used to measure the mass of a Kojak.
Telegraph(n):
print out of Kojak's temperature when he is in hospital.
Teleport(n):
1. the part of your computer where you plug in your TV-decoder card. 2. The harbour near Kojak's house.
Television:
a nude picture of Savalas.
Temp:
one whom one grabs a quick kiss with, and whom one fires if she complains.
Temper:
short reminder.
Temperamental:
plastered and nuts.
Tempered:
on the wagon.
Tempest:
1. a brief annoyance 2. a computer bug 3. short but sweet.
Tempestuous(adj):
that temp whom you've kissed pestering you for that rise (and a fur coat, diamonds and a gold band....)
Temporal:
a quick kiss.
Temporary:
somewhere it's a long way to, but it won't be when the roadworks are finished.
Temptation:
you want fries with that?
Tempting:
ringing a bell to 'come and get it'.
Temptress (n):
1. a female secretary who wears her hair in an almost irresistable fashion. 2. a wig. 3. a love-'em-and-leave-'em kinda gal. 4a long locked hairpiece, esp. one worn by a temp.
DNA sequencing to determine whether an organism is a tall, tree-like biped.
Testicle (n):
A short, multiple-choice examination where the candidate has to choose the correct answer from the set [0,1,2,7,19]
Testimony (n):
1. evidence, esp. that given in a court case involving allegations of counterfeit currency. 2. sound made by a male suffering from pain in the genitalia. 3. statements made in an irate whining voice. 4. the method for determining the counterfeicy of currency.
N. American TV western in which women played all the roles (See: Extravaganza).
Valiant(n):
an insect that lives down by the river.
Vasectomy:
removal of ones flower-holders (rather than ones flower removers).
Vegetarian:
tall, blonde, sharp as a potato.
Velocity:
Cowes.
Verb(v.t.):
[Ch. US] To turn a noun or adjective into a verb - eg. access, dialog(ue) ("The Yanks are always verbing their words, it really weirds our language.").
